Yes, yoghurt on a packed, rush hour tube. Just imagine it.
I was on my way to work having just bagged myself a seat. Feeling particularly chuffed with myself, I looked round and watched, open jawed, the woman in front of me pull out a big Tupperware container full of yoghurt. It was huge, big enough to fit about 4 hearty sandwiches. Certainly too big for yoghurt. You expect yoghurt to be in a pot, not in the Tupperware. Anything else is madness.
Anyway, she then opened up the container and began spooning the goop into her mouth. It was smelly, probably probiotic or something, full of friendly bacteria and bifidum digestivum, y’know – the tang of ‘sort your fanny out’. The train kept bouncing around, as trains hurtling through ancient tunnels tend to do, every bounce and knock adding to the mess on her face. Round this fully-grown woman's mouth, on her hand, her bag and even a little tiny bit on the pole next to her. The more we rolled along, the messier she got.
Our eyes met for a brief moment. I glared, hoping to get across how completely and utterly disgusted I was. I don't think my distain got through as she carried on eating regardless, flecks of yoghurt splashing round her mouth as someone innocently and understandably bumped her spoon-wielding arm.
After a few minutes I couldn't bear to watch the macabre show in front of me, like a sad 'You've Been Framed' clip that has gone on for way too long – there would not even be a pithy comment from Harry Hill, as he’d have already scratched his eyes out. Luckily it was my stop and I hopped off, a little saddened by the fact that you can't choke to death on yoghurt, no matter how hard you try.
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