London Mayor 2012 - vote Medieval

Are ye sick of the constant bickering and back stabbing that has infected modern British politics? Do you want to see an end to the two-faced shameful melodramas that are played out in the tabloid press?

Then you need to vote MEDIEVAL in the next London Mayoral Elections.

The Medieval Party wants to bring back good old Britain, a Britain with values, with work ethic, and with a feudal system.

We want to hark back to a time where Britain fought against the French for scraps of land, where men were hanged for looking at gentry in the wrong way and where only kings and clergymen ate three meals a day.

There will be no sniping and backbiting in a Medieval parliament, only beheading and poisoning. There will be no doublespeak or rhetoric, only Machiavellian scheming and dueling. You will be sure that your Medieval candidate is stronger, more skillful with a sword and more likely to win a joust than the opposition candidate. Who is very probably dead.

Medieval also vows to end the expenses row in one, swift swing of an axe. Medieval politicians do not claim for expenses, they merely take what is rightfully theirs. Which is usually what is initially yours.

If you vote Medieval, you'll vote for a place where women are not seen nor heard, where beggars really are hungry and where shit slides down the street like a river of death. You will be saying yes to a place where rats are king, where disease is controlled by leeches and where maggots merely tell you that the sell-by date is close at hand.

Lord Robert D'Arcy La Pue, leader of the Medieval Party, speaking from his seat in the court of the Holy Roman Empire in Germany, says: "A vote for Medieval is a vote for a Britain that says no to foreigners, no to democracy and yes to daily, free executions.

"We will bring Calais back to its rightful owners, we will brick up Hadrian's Wall and we will begin bullying the poor into military service that will result in their prolonged and agonising death, the theft of their land and the raping of their family.

"It's 15th century politics for a 21st century world."