The restaurant industry is cut-throat in London; if you don't succeed in the first 46 seconds you are dead. So restaurants are having to get more and more pretentious, high-brow and original every day - the brains of the sector are trying to develop a completely new niche in the restaurant world, the eatin’ out biz.
The below ideas could be the product of several meetings which involved lots of smoking, continuously cutting each others sentences off with lines like “I would rather eat a bag of your mothers toenails” and spending countless hours trying to get hold of Julian Metcalf, the chief of Pret A Manger, who’s open door policy is not as open as the marketing materials try to promote:
1. ‘Sean’: Basically we take the entire life of Sean, a man, and turn it into a restaurant. All the dishes are either based around his favourite things to eat, or possibly, even more interestingly around core characteristics of his personality (the word ‘peas’ makes him wince). The menu is inter-spliced with pages from his diary (Dear diary, today I looked at my co-workers and all I could think about was a gun – pate and toast). We’d have his pin number and bank statements on the wall along with testimonials from old friends, jilted lovers (“He always waits until it’s his round then he goes to the toilet, his nickname is Sean-Bastard”). The cherry on the cake is the man himself, suspended in a plastic box in the centre of the room, coding invoices and muttering words in French for apparently no reason.
2. ‘Mon petit pleur’: Something slightly classier here. The central concept revolves around a unique dining experience. Imagine a Parisian café at the turn of the century, the wooden floors bleached ivory white with the main attractions. For every part of this meal is constructed around devouring the suffering of others. For an exorbitant fee the customer can pay to eat food complimenting an over riding emotion. For example, the special of the day may be ‘Man told wife has started on the slots again even after they defaulted on mortgage payments’ (accompanying food – salted veal) or ‘concert pianist wakes up from botched operation, handless’ (food – a deep tomato sauce along with a flat bread to mop tears).
3. ‘Chips’: Just a title at the minute, although we're fairly sure this is where the real money is.
1. ‘Sean’: Basically we take the entire life of Sean, a man, and turn it into a restaurant. All the dishes are either based around his favourite things to eat, or possibly, even more interestingly around core characteristics of his personality (the word ‘peas’ makes him wince). The menu is inter-spliced with pages from his diary (Dear diary, today I looked at my co-workers and all I could think about was a gun – pate and toast). We’d have his pin number and bank statements on the wall along with testimonials from old friends, jilted lovers (“He always waits until it’s his round then he goes to the toilet, his nickname is Sean-Bastard”). The cherry on the cake is the man himself, suspended in a plastic box in the centre of the room, coding invoices and muttering words in French for apparently no reason.
2. ‘Mon petit pleur’: Something slightly classier here. The central concept revolves around a unique dining experience. Imagine a Parisian café at the turn of the century, the wooden floors bleached ivory white with the main attractions. For every part of this meal is constructed around devouring the suffering of others. For an exorbitant fee the customer can pay to eat food complimenting an over riding emotion. For example, the special of the day may be ‘Man told wife has started on the slots again even after they defaulted on mortgage payments’ (accompanying food – salted veal) or ‘concert pianist wakes up from botched operation, handless’ (food – a deep tomato sauce along with a flat bread to mop tears).
3. ‘Chips’: Just a title at the minute, although we're fairly sure this is where the real money is.
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